A boy, a girl and a wagon

Last August, when Eli received this wagon as a birthday present, I was months pregnant with Sunny. I watched Eli sit in the wagon alone, as we pulled him around our neighborhood. I pictured a little girl sitting in the wagon with him. I longed for his sister to be here; his life long buddy and partner in crime. Here we are. It happens so fast.

That little red wagon holds my most precious gems in it; all the love and joy that one Mama can handle. The emptiness that existed has been restored with little faces that look at me with admiration. My life, once lived only for me, is now lived for them. I aim to raise them right, to give them a good life, to smile at them, be their biggest fan, and teach them right from wrong. My biggest hope is that I am open enough to allow them to find their own way without too much interference from me. Their journey belongs to them. As much as I'd like to claim it, I'm a bystander who's watching from the sidelines. The same bystander that watches as the wagon continues up the sidewalk. For now they both keep looking back at me for assurance, but in time, I'm hopeful that they won't have to look back, for they will know that I am with them always.

A romantic kiss

"I want to kiss you. A romantic kiss. Once a day, for the rest of our lives. Can we do that?" Aaron's reply was "Let's start now!" and so we did. And it connected us in many ways. It made me feel close to him. I felt like we were strong. Stronger than we were two minutes before we kissed. Every day since then we've kissed our romantic kiss. I had no idea how wonderful this would be for us.

Last night while in bed we had an argument. I was mad, he didn't help the situation and so we both felt incomplete. Unhappy. Soiled. After trying to make up with me and being rejected, he left our room. Our bed. He went downstairs and laid on the couch I suppose. Eventually he came back to bed and once he did we laid there until we fell asleep. We didn't make up. We didn't talk. We just laid there. Two bodies. Disconnected. Hurt.

This morning before he left for work I stumbled down the steps to wish him a good day. The night before, although not wonderful, was behind us. The day was ahead of us. I didn't want to carry the argument over. I wanted it to be over. I wanted to tell him that I love him. That I was sorry. As I walked down the stairs he was standing and looked at me. When I got to the last stair he greeted me and reached out to me for a hug. "I want a romantic kiss...I don't care what your breath smells like..." he whispered in my ear. I smiled and gave into his request.

I was broken but that kiss repaired me.

We choose to be together every single day. Because that's what it is. It's a choice. I don't want his lips to be foreign to mine. I need him to get through each day hour minute. There will be nights when our backs are facing each other, our hearts hurt, our pride shattered, but our love continues to be bright, so bright that even the darkest of times seem to only be gray. And that desire in us, to keep our heads above water and to keep this marriage alive, doesn't go away. It never will. We live each day for each other and for that kiss. No matter the time of day that it happens, it makes life worth living and this marriage worth fighting for.

Go kiss your lover.

Sunny

We all took turns pushing her on the swing and as I stood back and watched her, I realized that this would be one of those memories that when I think of it in ten or twenty years, I'll smile. My heart will feel full of love, of warmth, of happiness. My baby girl, on the swing, in her zone.

Crock pot Mac & Cheese

This was a huge hit at Eli's birthday party last weekend. Everyone, and I mean everyone, tore it up. Hard not to share a recipe with you that the whole family can enjoy. Go ahead and make it, I double dog dare you.

WHAT YOU NEED:
2 cups of macaroni noodles, al dente
1 cup of milk
1/2 stick of butter, melted
1 can of evaporated milk
Salt, 1 teaspoon
Pepper, to your liking
2 cups of medium cheddar cheese, shredded
1 cup of velvetta cheddar cheese, shredded
1/2 cup of Parmesan cheese, shredded
1 tablespoon of paprika

Start by cooking your noodles to al dente. Drain them and place them in a big bowl. Add in your milk, butter, salt, pepper and evaporated milk. Stir well. Next mix in the medium and velvetta cheeses and place the whole batch into your crock pot. Top with the Parmesan cheese and the paprika and cover. Cook on high for 4 hours. Do not disrupt while cooking. After 4 hours, uncover and devour.

These boots were made for walking

And obviously to frighten us too!

Events of August 23, 2011

 

Eating breakfast.  Remember this is how he smiles!

We decided we would spend his birthday morning riding the carousel and train at the park. When we arrived we were all smiles. He decided that he wanted to ride the carousel first, so we got in line with our ticket in hand!

He had so much fun riding the carousel for the first time without help from Daddy or Mama. I was a little bit nervous (those horses are higher than you think!), but he was a big boy and did an excellent job!

Next up? CHOO CHOOOOOO! It's time for the train! Let's go get in line and pick our seat on the wonderful train!

The excitement of being on the train was more than any of us could handle. We just wanted to pee our pants we were so delighted. We patiently waited for the train to take off and before we knew it the whistle was blown and we were off on an adventure!

About five minutes into the fifteen minutes train ride Eli decided that he no longer wanted to be on the train. At first, he was very polite about his request to be done with this adventure, but once I explained to him that we had to stay on the train until it stopped, he grew impatient. He started misbehaving; standing up, sticking his arms outside of the train, sitting on the floor, and putting his feet in the air. I consistently and patiently reminded him that he needed to sit on his tooshie with his arms inside of the train but he didn't care. He was done and wanted to get off. He started to cry each time I forced his butt down on the seat and eventually bit or pinched his sister's foot out of anger. At this point, both of my children are crying, screaming actually, and I have no way to escape the train. I JUST WANT TO GET OFF OF THE TRAIN! I held him close to me, in a buddy hug sort of way, the rest of the train ride. He screamed, kicked and pushed me away. All the while, his sister screamed from the baby backpack that was strapped to the front of my body. ARE WE HAVING FUCKING FUN YET? The tantrum didn't end when we actually did get off of the train. He continued to act his age, throwing himself down on the floor. People are looking at me like I'm the worst Mom in the world as they step over my screaming child. I eventually pick him up and throw him over my shoulder, all while carrying Sunny in the baby backpack and we walk our happy asses to the car. That was the longest walk ever. Well, except the 40 mile Avon walk I did a few years back. This was the second longest walk ever. I put him in the car first and then Sunny. I finally sat down in the car and turned around to look at him. He was still crying and I really wanted to be mad at him. I wanted to scream at him for embarrassing me. For ruining my day. For ruining his birthday. But instead, I offered him my hand, which he held, and we just stared at each other until he calmed down. 

From there we went to his favorite fast food place to get him some french fries which lifted his spirits. (I know, I know! Reward the tantrum, right? Well it's his birthday damn it!) He was a happy french fry eater and napper that afternoon.

Once up from his nap, we went to buy his birthday present. A birthday present we've been talking about for awhile now. He was so ecstatic!

He picked out his bike and his helmet, and we were so happy with his choices!

Soon it was time for singing and cupcakes. So we sang and ate cupcakes.

He went to bed that night as happy as a little boy can be. He didn't remember the tantrum on the train or the long walk back to the car, he only knew that his Mama continued to love him and be patient with him the whole day, and tried to make his day as special as she possibly could.

Here's to next year and many more years. I love you Eli.

A boat ride

While visiting family in Virginia, Eli got a boat ride. The boat ride he's been asking for all summer. I've already talked about how much he loves any type of transportation, and boats are no exception. But what made this boat ride so special was who took him on the boat. Eli loves his Granddaddy; admires him, and to spend some time with him on the water was good for both of their souls.

 He's already asking for another boat ride.

A How To (recover your chairs)

For as long as I can remember, my dining room chairs have looked like this. It's one of those things that brings me comfort, even as I look at that picture. Belonging to my Grandparents and then being passed to me, I kept them that way for a couple of years. Not because it matched my dining room or because I was in love with the checks, but because that's how I always remembered them. Being so far away from home, it was like a little bit of home was here with me. After a year of eating at the dining room table, Eli destroyed a couple of those chairs. Spaghetti sauce and taco meat and yogurt and ketchup and...you get the point. It was time to recover and stop being embarrassed when company came over and had to sit their butts on our stained seat cushions. And so we went out, we I picked out the fabric and we came home and we got busy!

Start by taking off the cushions of your seats. This can easily be done by turning the chair over and unscrewing the seat from the chair.

Next you'll want to remove the existing fabric. This is somewhat optional, depending on what new fabric you're putting on your chair but because ours was black and white checked, you would have been able to see it through our new fabric, so we had to. This can be done by using a screwdriver and pliers and pulling out the staples. (It is not recommended that you remove the base layer seating on your cushion.)

Measure the length, width and depth of your seat cushion. If your seats are round or curved measure the longest length and the widest width. After you measure, make sure to add three times the depth to the width and the length for the correct amount of fabric you will need for each seat. (To make it easy for us, we removed the existing fabric and took that with us to the fabric store. That way we could measure out exactly how much fabric we needed.)

The next step is fun! Shop for your fabric. We went to G Street Fabrics and sorted through tons of fabric until we I found one that I was happy with. You want to make sure to get some help if you aren't familiar with fabrics, as seat cushions need very durable fabric for every day use.

Once the fabric is purchased and you're back home, lay the fabric out, wrong side faced up, and place your seat cushion OR the old fabric from the seat cushion on the new fabric and align it. This is especially necessary if you bought fabric with stripes/checks/or any type of design that will be necessary to make sure each chair matches.

Once the fabric is aligned exactly how you want it, trim so that there is enough fabric all the way around to fold over the edges and staple.

Next you'll take the fabric and place your seat cushion on it, and using a staple gun you'll start attaching the new fabric to your cushion. This can be a little tricky. Make sure you pull the fabric very tight and smooth, without bunches between your staples. Put your first staple in the middle and work outwards. If you encounter curves, make sure you fold the fabric under the seat so that it is not visible from the top.

Repeat that step on all sides of the cushion. Make sure you pull and tug on that fabric to ensure that the top of the seat is flawless, with no bunching or creases.

The corners are next. Think of it this way, it's like wrapping a present. You'll want to pleat your corners. Point the corners towards the center of the seat and fold one side down, so that the folded edge runs along the diagonal. Fold the other side down in the same manner so that you have a pleat and staple.

If you have any excess fabric that should be trimmed, do that now. Also, hammer down any staples that are not flush.

You're almost done! Return the seat to the chair and screw the base back in. Turn over your chair and give yourself a pat on the back for doing such a great job!

Here's my finished product! 

Happy Birthday Eli (Number 3)

My darling boy,

How can it be true that you are 3 years old? In a few minutes I will sneak into your room, like I do every night, and tuck you in. Whisper in your ear how much I love you and kiss your lips. Your Daddy and I will marvel at how big you are. We'll stare at you and then glance at each other with amazement. Our Tukes. Our baby. So big. So wonderful. So perfect.

It seems like only yesterday you were placed in my arms after delivery; plump, pink and full of possibilities. You have changed me. Shaped me. Made me stronger and smarter. By teaching you, I learned what I believe in. In failing you, I learned how to forgive myself and others. You were not born on my birthday, but you are by far the best present I've ever received.

You are such a handful, which is an understatement. You keep me busy, and you ask a lot of questions. "What's that?" and "Why?" seem to be your favorite questions these days, but I'm sure as your vocabulary expands so will your curiosity.  You love to eat french fries and when asked if you would like milk or water you always choose milk. Every night before we put you to bed you ask what we will do when you wake up. When we tell you our plans your eyes light up the room. Your first words out of your mouth each morning are whispered in our ears; "Get up Mama. Get up Daddy", and then you go downstairs where you know how to turn on the tv, the wii, the netflix and your favorite shows. You wait patiently on the couch and when we mosey down you are filled with excitement and run to the stairs to greet us. You are happy most of the time and people like you. You don't know a stranger and everyone you meet is greeted with "Hello Friend!". You are nice and sincere. You are so funny, and laugh at yourself on the daily. You are a big brother, and you take that job very serious. You love your sister and she admires you. We all do.

Happy Birthday to you my baby boy. I love you endlessly.