A Halloween Memory

I close my eyes and I am instantly back to Halloween of 2006. I was new to the area, only moving here in July and still felt uncomfortable. I remember I had to work late that evening, and when I left work it was dark. Cold. Lonely. I got into my car, buckled up and headed home. The 10 mile journey took me over an hour and in that hour, alone in my car, I thought about my family. I thought about my Mom and Dad, and how they made everything so special for me during my childhood. I thought about my brother who was back and forth between Iraq and Afghanistan at the time, really wishing I could hug him and have one more round of trick or treating in our familiar streets with him. I thought about my baby sister, my best friend, who unconditionally loved me since the day she was born. Her big brown eyes always looking up to me. I thought about our old room, our twin beds, our stuffed closet, our stories when the lights where out. Kenny Chesney singing us to sleep. All of these memories flooding over me. I looked around me and all I could see were cars, headlights on, stopped on the fucking highway. Not moving, not getting any closer to home. Kids waiting for their parents to get home so that they could trick or treat.

I started to cry. I wanted to go home. I wanted my family. I wanted familiarity and love surrounding me. I wiped my tears and continued my journey to the house I was renting a room in. I was greeted by my roommates who had started handing kids candy. I put on a smile, told myself to enjoy this new life that I made for myself. Keep pushing forward. And I did.

After that night, I knew I belonged in Maryland for the time being. At the time I had no idea why, but 13 days later I did. That's when I met him. Bright blue eyes and a big smile. He had the soul of an angel, made me feel like a brand new person. He took me in, made this my home. Introduced me to his loving family who all welcomed me. Made me laugh 'til I cried, took me to new places and showed me a way of life.

Halloween of 2006 was one of my lowest days but November 13, 2006 turned out to be the day I met the man I would spend my life falling in love with. I am still in disbelief that this wonderful, smart, charming man picks me to spend his life with. We were connected from the first moment we met, and we're even more connected today.

Thank you, Aaron. You fulfill me and keep me safe. You make my life so enjoyable and exciting. When we're apart I feel incomplete and I miss you. I get excited when I know you're on your way home to me, and can't wait to hug you and feel you. You are the man of my dreams.

The last five years have been a blur; meeting you, getting married, having babies, moving three times, but it's been wonderful. Full of adventures and first times, remember when's and looking forward to's. Here's to many more, my love. 

A self portrait

Little booger in his nose and all...

Nuff said

The best salmon marinade ever

This salmon recipe is delicious. Whenever I make it I always feel like I'm eating take out because it's restaurant quality good. Whether you bake it or grill it, the salmon comes out perfect. Don't mess with this recipe, follow it exactly, and you'll have yourself a genuine fancy dinner!

WHAT YOU NEED:
1 tablespoon of olive oil
1 tablespoon of soy sauce
1 teaspoon of worcestershire sauce
1 lemon, juiced
2 tablespoons of honey
1/3 cup chopped fresh basil
1 tablespoon chopped shallots
1 (3lb) salmon fillet, with skin

To start, make a boat out of some tin foil and place it on a baking pan (baking) or on a cookie sheet (grilling). Lay your salmon in the middle of your tin foil boat and mix your olive oil, soy sauce, worcestershire sauce, lemon juice, honey, basil and shallots together in a small mixing bowl. Poor the marinade over your salmon fillet and let it marinate for two hours. You can always marinate it longer but make sure the marinade and fillet are nice close friends for two hours at a minimum.

If baking, start by preheating your oven to 350 degrees. Once preheated place the dish in the oven for 40 minutes or until the salmon flakes with a fork. Once cooked thoroughly, slice the salmon and use a spatula to remove it from the pan, leaving the skin behind.

If grilling, preheat your grill for medium-low heat. Place your tin foil boat with the salmon and marinade in it onto the grill and grill for 10 minutes per every inch of thickness, approximately 20 minutes. Salmon should flake with a fork. When you serve the salmon, the skin should stick to the foil. Slice and use a spatula to scoop the fillet off of the skin to serve.

I am known to serve this with thai noodles and a fresh green salad or creamy orzo and fresh green beans. No matter what you serve this with, your meal will rock and your family will be impressed!

Want to learn more about choosing a good piece of salmon? Read this.

Stealing wishes

I didn't realize it while taking pictures of him, but this little stinker of mine was taking money out of the fountain! With each toss of a coin a wish was made, and that wish, was taken away, out of the fountain by my son. He collected almost a dollar that day.

Baked Brie with Carmelized Onions

Cheese? Onions? Garlic? Apples? SIGN ME UP!

WHAT YOU NEED:
1 head of garlic (I used minced garlic)
1/4 cup of butter
1 yellow onion, sliced
1 Granny Smith apple, peeled, cored, and sliced
1 (8oz) wedge or round piece of Brie cheese
1 sheet of frozen puff pastry, thawed
1 tablespoon of melted butter

Start by preheating your oven to 400 degrees. Place garlic on a baking sheet and drizzle with olive oil. Roast for fifteen minutes. (I used minced garlic and placed it on a baking sheet and roasted it for ten minutes until its color changed.)

Meanwhile, melt 1/4 cup of butter in a skillet over medium heat. Add in your onion and apple mixture and cook and stir until tender and brown, about fifteen minutes. Set aside. Arrange brie on top of the thawed puff pastry. Top the brie with your onion and apple mixture. Fold the puff pastry over the cheese and pinch it closed.

 Brush it with melted butter and carefully place it in a lightly greased baking dish. Bake for twenty minutes or until golden brown. Let cool for thirty minutes. Garnish with garlic and serve with your favorite crackers! 

  Nutritional Information can be found HERE!

A big boy bike

He's so proud of his bike. Learning how to ride (even with training wheels) has proven to be challenging for him but each night we go out and he practices. He wrecks and gets back up. Tells us he can't do it but with encouragement he does. His smile when he's riding is priceless and his love for danger and living on the edge continues to put me in constant fear for his teenage years.

Lebanese Chicken and Potatoes

I've had this recipe stored for awhile now, and finally decided to try it last weekend when Irene showed her face. It was cloudy and rainy and some baked chicken and potatoes sounded delish. It's a very simple dish, pure in taste and easy! Perfect for a work night when you don't want to slave in the kitchen and easy enough that your husband can throw it together if you don't feel like it!

WHAT YOU NEED:
8 cut up chicken pieces
4 medium potatoes, peeled and diced
salt to taste
pepper to taste
cumin to taste
allspice to taste
4 cloves of garlic, minced
1/4 cup of extra virgin olive oil
1/2 cup of lemon juice

Start by preheating your oven to 425 degrees. Place your chicken and potatoes in a large baking dish and season with salt, pepper, cumin and allspice generously. In a small bowl combine the garlic, olive oil and lemon juice. Pour the mixture over the chicken and potatoes and cover your dish with foil. Bake in preheated oven for 30 minutes. Remove foil, increase oven temperature to 475 degrees and cook until chicken and potatoes are golden, about 40 more minutes. Let it cool and dig in!

Duck feeding

I handed him the bread in the car hoping that it would keep him calm while we drove to the pond. "It's food for the ducks. Will you hold it and keep it safe while we drive there?" I asked. "Yes!" he said. I replied with "Ok, make sure you don't eat it, it's for the ducks!" He nodded "Ok, Mama, I promise." A few minutes later I look back and his mouth is full of bread. "Hey!" I said "You broke your promise...!" "Yeah...." he replied with a smile.

You first, me last

Yesterday while sitting at a stop light I looked at myself in the rear view mirror. I had on no make up, my face, still wrinkle free, seemed plain. Boring, even. My chin, covered in little red dots that I haven't seen since high school. I looked myself in the eyes and well, sighed. What happen? How did this happen? Two years ago I was up and at 'em daily, make up on, dressed for success. These days I'm lucky to be dressed in something besides work out clothes once a week. I don't wear make up, in fact, I haven't purchased make up in a year. Right after my sigh, I looked at my hair. I had to get closer to really understand what I was looking at but it was gray hairs. GRAY HAIRS at 28? No. You're shitting me? What? Hold on. That's really blond hairs that just LOOK gray because my hair is so dark. NOPE, that's gray hair. Oh no!

I've noticed so many changes in myself lately, changes that seem to have happened with my title as Stay At Home Mom. My style is less than impressive. It's just boring to tell you the truth. I find myself ALWAYS dressed for comfort not for style. My hair is lucky if it's brushed. I don't care about my hair anymore, it doesn't matter. My 3 year old and 8 month old don't care about it either. I asked.

I wash my face each morning and brush my teeth. Put on my comfy clothes and hit the playground. Run around in the grass. Collect rocks, only to bring them home and paint them. I usually have food all over me, not my own, but my children's. I sit in the floor and play with Spiderman and Magneto and Wolverine. I have my kids sitting on my lap, pulling on my hair/clothes/boobs.

I guess this phase of life isn't about being in style or having the cutest haircut and color. It's not about my accessories either, because we all know if I have earrings in my ears Sunny will work on pulling them out all damn day. It's about being comfortable I suppose. Comfortable with the focus not being on myself  but on them. It takes some getting used to. Sometimes I cringe when I look at what I've become, but have to remember how my boy and girl look at me; like I'm the most beautiful person they have ever seen. They don't care about my stained t-shirt, stretched yoga pants and mismatched socks. To them, my smile is all that matters, and that smile shows up every single day.

These next few years will take their toll on me as I put myself last and them first, but I believe when it's time, I'll be back. And better than ever. 

A boy, a girl and a wagon

Last August, when Eli received this wagon as a birthday present, I was months pregnant with Sunny. I watched Eli sit in the wagon alone, as we pulled him around our neighborhood. I pictured a little girl sitting in the wagon with him. I longed for his sister to be here; his life long buddy and partner in crime. Here we are. It happens so fast.

That little red wagon holds my most precious gems in it; all the love and joy that one Mama can handle. The emptiness that existed has been restored with little faces that look at me with admiration. My life, once lived only for me, is now lived for them. I aim to raise them right, to give them a good life, to smile at them, be their biggest fan, and teach them right from wrong. My biggest hope is that I am open enough to allow them to find their own way without too much interference from me. Their journey belongs to them. As much as I'd like to claim it, I'm a bystander who's watching from the sidelines. The same bystander that watches as the wagon continues up the sidewalk. For now they both keep looking back at me for assurance, but in time, I'm hopeful that they won't have to look back, for they will know that I am with them always.

A romantic kiss

"I want to kiss you. A romantic kiss. Once a day, for the rest of our lives. Can we do that?" Aaron's reply was "Let's start now!" and so we did. And it connected us in many ways. It made me feel close to him. I felt like we were strong. Stronger than we were two minutes before we kissed. Every day since then we've kissed our romantic kiss. I had no idea how wonderful this would be for us.

Last night while in bed we had an argument. I was mad, he didn't help the situation and so we both felt incomplete. Unhappy. Soiled. After trying to make up with me and being rejected, he left our room. Our bed. He went downstairs and laid on the couch I suppose. Eventually he came back to bed and once he did we laid there until we fell asleep. We didn't make up. We didn't talk. We just laid there. Two bodies. Disconnected. Hurt.

This morning before he left for work I stumbled down the steps to wish him a good day. The night before, although not wonderful, was behind us. The day was ahead of us. I didn't want to carry the argument over. I wanted it to be over. I wanted to tell him that I love him. That I was sorry. As I walked down the stairs he was standing and looked at me. When I got to the last stair he greeted me and reached out to me for a hug. "I want a romantic kiss...I don't care what your breath smells like..." he whispered in my ear. I smiled and gave into his request.

I was broken but that kiss repaired me.

We choose to be together every single day. Because that's what it is. It's a choice. I don't want his lips to be foreign to mine. I need him to get through each day hour minute. There will be nights when our backs are facing each other, our hearts hurt, our pride shattered, but our love continues to be bright, so bright that even the darkest of times seem to only be gray. And that desire in us, to keep our heads above water and to keep this marriage alive, doesn't go away. It never will. We live each day for each other and for that kiss. No matter the time of day that it happens, it makes life worth living and this marriage worth fighting for.

Go kiss your lover.

Sunny

We all took turns pushing her on the swing and as I stood back and watched her, I realized that this would be one of those memories that when I think of it in ten or twenty years, I'll smile. My heart will feel full of love, of warmth, of happiness. My baby girl, on the swing, in her zone.

Crock pot Mac & Cheese

This was a huge hit at Eli's birthday party last weekend. Everyone, and I mean everyone, tore it up. Hard not to share a recipe with you that the whole family can enjoy. Go ahead and make it, I double dog dare you.

WHAT YOU NEED:
2 cups of macaroni noodles, al dente
1 cup of milk
1/2 stick of butter, melted
1 can of evaporated milk
Salt, 1 teaspoon
Pepper, to your liking
2 cups of medium cheddar cheese, shredded
1 cup of velvetta cheddar cheese, shredded
1/2 cup of Parmesan cheese, shredded
1 tablespoon of paprika

Start by cooking your noodles to al dente. Drain them and place them in a big bowl. Add in your milk, butter, salt, pepper and evaporated milk. Stir well. Next mix in the medium and velvetta cheeses and place the whole batch into your crock pot. Top with the Parmesan cheese and the paprika and cover. Cook on high for 4 hours. Do not disrupt while cooking. After 4 hours, uncover and devour.

These boots were made for walking

And obviously to frighten us too!

Events of August 23, 2011

 

Eating breakfast.  Remember this is how he smiles!

We decided we would spend his birthday morning riding the carousel and train at the park. When we arrived we were all smiles. He decided that he wanted to ride the carousel first, so we got in line with our ticket in hand!

He had so much fun riding the carousel for the first time without help from Daddy or Mama. I was a little bit nervous (those horses are higher than you think!), but he was a big boy and did an excellent job!

Next up? CHOO CHOOOOOO! It's time for the train! Let's go get in line and pick our seat on the wonderful train!

The excitement of being on the train was more than any of us could handle. We just wanted to pee our pants we were so delighted. We patiently waited for the train to take off and before we knew it the whistle was blown and we were off on an adventure!

About five minutes into the fifteen minutes train ride Eli decided that he no longer wanted to be on the train. At first, he was very polite about his request to be done with this adventure, but once I explained to him that we had to stay on the train until it stopped, he grew impatient. He started misbehaving; standing up, sticking his arms outside of the train, sitting on the floor, and putting his feet in the air. I consistently and patiently reminded him that he needed to sit on his tooshie with his arms inside of the train but he didn't care. He was done and wanted to get off. He started to cry each time I forced his butt down on the seat and eventually bit or pinched his sister's foot out of anger. At this point, both of my children are crying, screaming actually, and I have no way to escape the train. I JUST WANT TO GET OFF OF THE TRAIN! I held him close to me, in a buddy hug sort of way, the rest of the train ride. He screamed, kicked and pushed me away. All the while, his sister screamed from the baby backpack that was strapped to the front of my body. ARE WE HAVING FUCKING FUN YET? The tantrum didn't end when we actually did get off of the train. He continued to act his age, throwing himself down on the floor. People are looking at me like I'm the worst Mom in the world as they step over my screaming child. I eventually pick him up and throw him over my shoulder, all while carrying Sunny in the baby backpack and we walk our happy asses to the car. That was the longest walk ever. Well, except the 40 mile Avon walk I did a few years back. This was the second longest walk ever. I put him in the car first and then Sunny. I finally sat down in the car and turned around to look at him. He was still crying and I really wanted to be mad at him. I wanted to scream at him for embarrassing me. For ruining my day. For ruining his birthday. But instead, I offered him my hand, which he held, and we just stared at each other until he calmed down. 

From there we went to his favorite fast food place to get him some french fries which lifted his spirits. (I know, I know! Reward the tantrum, right? Well it's his birthday damn it!) He was a happy french fry eater and napper that afternoon.

Once up from his nap, we went to buy his birthday present. A birthday present we've been talking about for awhile now. He was so ecstatic!

He picked out his bike and his helmet, and we were so happy with his choices!

Soon it was time for singing and cupcakes. So we sang and ate cupcakes.

He went to bed that night as happy as a little boy can be. He didn't remember the tantrum on the train or the long walk back to the car, he only knew that his Mama continued to love him and be patient with him the whole day, and tried to make his day as special as she possibly could.

Here's to next year and many more years. I love you Eli.